Rock On!!!

I knew I shouldn’t have waited this long before penning down my thoughts about this film, but such are the ways of those surviving in the big bad cities of the world… Time is not always put to its best use… Best for your soul that is…

And yet, this movie took me back to a time when nothing mattered more than getting to know the music of The Doors a little better or whenever a shiver ran down my spine listening to American Pie (the Doc McLean version ONLY - don’t even want to mention the other one done by someone so admired by me on any other day of the week).

Rock On represents, whether its cast and crew like being labelled or not, the coming of age of Indian cinema. Yes, there are many films doing that nowadays, but so many are related to terrorism and the plight of the common man, that this is now a sub-genre in itself, too exploited and almost mass!

It succeeds on many levels while maintaining the cheesiness that Bollywood represents. Here’s a film about people who have lost themselves in the grind of everyday life, and as a result have forgotten who they really are. The loss of their friends, the loss of their dream and the loss of the one thing that put it all into perspective - their music. The film shifts between present day, when each of the unhappy four are trying to get by, some emotionally and some financially, and the past, when there used to be that thing called Magik (the name of their band) where all the happiness flowed from.

The music is a deep breath of life, away from the world of remixes and strippers posing as dancers. It captures rock not just in the rhythm but also in the lyrics and the overall feel. These are not actors posing as guitarists, lead singers, drummers and bass players. They get it and they sell it!

Arjun Rampal is undeniable eye candy as always but I think one can now see glimpses of an actor in there somewhere. Purab Kohli and Luke Kenny are extremely credible too and the former is fun as the group pushover. The ladies are pretty good and well deserving of all the applause they are currently getting. That being said, the immense respect I felt after watching this film is reserved for Farhan Akhtar. He is not only someone who can make modern classics and snazzy action flicks like Dil Chahta Hai and Don. He is also someone who can make a genuine Lakshya and go one to shine as a cocky young rock star turned miserable Investment Banker in Rock On. Hats off!

Rock On made me feel like the music is still alive and so are the people who feel it. Not necessarily the hippyesque teens comparing posters of their rock Gods or old Bawa men lamenting the death of the art. Just someone like me, travelling to work or seated at my desk staring at the computer screen or enjoying that perfect glass of wine while sharing a laugh with fond friends.

The Studio

With all my emotions running helter skelter thanks to the news of the Half Blood Prince being postponed, I started to wonder about the entity that is the movie studio. I'm sure Hollywood has it's own history when it comes to the sometimes bone-crunching, sometimes larger than life existence of the studio. It's powerful, it's aggressive, it can make or break, blah blah blah...
What is so fascinating is how full of squat their products can be sometimes. Last night, I watched Hancock. Dissuaded by the many negative reviews, I chose not to go to the theatre, even though Will Smith is like the Amitabh Bachchan of the 70's in my head. That Mr. Bachchan was awe-inspiring and made history, but more than anything else, he could carry off anything! Will Smith is like that. He is just too damn good. However, someone over-estimated this amazingness is what my conclusion was when I watched a DVD of this lamentable film.
I can't say the special effects were bad, I can't say the editing was bad, I can't say the performances were bad. No... this was a bigger problem. It's like here was a product that had been created for no apparent reason.
Imaginary conversation between big bosses at big studio wanting to make big summer movie with big star:
'Hey, Will Smith is like the biggest star. Let's like make like a really like biggg summer movie so that our big studio can get even bigger and make a lot of money.'
'Ok, but what will it be about?'
'Does it matter? Will's like in it.'
'Yes, but what will he do?'
'Uh, oh yeah, uh, he can like be like a Superhero'
'But there's already the Hulk and Iron Man and Superman and Batman and Spiderman and most of them will be hitting screens in the Summer.'
'Yeah, but Will can be like a different kind of Superhero. He can be like strong and like save people and shit, but he'll be like different.'
'OK, but how will he be different? The Iraq thing has already been adopted by the Iron Man guys so what's new that we can use now?'
'Well, we don't need an issue. We'll just make him normal, but maybe he can be like an ass****, like a guy that no one likes, like someone like a bum'
'A bum who saves lives?'
'Yeah! That's like brilliant!'
'And he can dress like a bum and oh yeah like we'll make him an alcoholic too!'
'Well, what's his ride?'
'Ride?'
'Yeah, his vehicle, like the Batmobile, y'know?'
'He doesn't need that... He can just zoom off. Don't be so conventional.'
'I see. OK, well who's the chic?'
'We'll get a chic. It's Will, any chic will be good with being his chic.'
'OK, and his Achilles' heel?'
'Huh?'
'His one weakness. Superman's was kryptonite remember?'
'Oh well, we'll find something. You know what, she can be his heel or whatever.'
'Who?'
'The chic! It's so obvious! Beautiful... I got tears in my eyes just thinkin' about it'
'So he'll just be like in love with her and the villians will use her as a pawn?'
'You're just like being conventional again. Think out of the box! We'll make her like a Wonderwoman type. So they're both like, a couple, but they can't be together, 'cos then they can't fight 'cos being together makes them weak.'
'Well, it sort of very 'The Way We Were' you know with Redford and Streisand and how they can't be together'
'So? That was ages ago!'
'Yeah but that Jennifer Aniston movie with Vince Vaughn... The Break Up... Was so like that anyways. And that one's pretty recent'
'So what? This will be an action flic, not a drama.'
'OK, well I guess you've thought of everything'
'Yeah, I have. Now get me a director and make sure he doesn't think conventionally.You guys are so obtuse, the studio would go under if it was upto you idiots. And call Will. Tell him to get ready for his next blockbuster. This is gonna be goood!!!'
And the movie comes out and one realizes that the missing plot is accompanied by excellent special effects, savvy performances and publicity to match coming of the World War 3. And it BOMBBBSSSS!!!
Obviously.
The cocky studio is overcome by millions of people, some of them even the types that lack basic common sense but knowing their bad summer movie like you do when a fly enters a room (SWAT!!!). Because you can't just hold 3 film reels together and make a movie. Maybe they should put a reminder on their Blackberry's that pops up everytime. A reminder that says 'substance'.
Closer to home, we see Yash Raj doing similar things. The backdrop is always gorgeous, but I'd rather get hit on the head with a baseball bat then see YET ANOTHER lame ass movie made by them. It was OK to transport the hero and heroine to some random freezing location in clothing befitting an Indian summer if the movie was as good as a 'Silsila' or a 'Chandni'. But come on people! Wake up! We've got brains here, and they're dying to be put to the test, with something real and identifiable, something that moves and haunts, something that fills and batters, something called great cinema.

Where's Dumbledore's Army when you need them?

I love Harry Potter. I am one of THOSE psycho-lunes and proudly so. Hence, it may be possible to imagine what I am feeling right now, having heard that the fantasy penned by JK Rowling is about to be overrun by the reality of Warner Brothers, at least temporarily.
It has come to my attention that the 6th Harry Potter movie that I was so looking forward to won't be coming out in November! I can't believe the reason and I can't believe that Warner would do something so obviously damaging to their reputation. Whatever happened to goodwill?!?! How can you postpone the release of a film that is so eagerly anticipated?
I agree that it would make sense to come out with a movie at the best possible time to make the most possible profit, but this is Harry Potter we're talking about. It's got to make money any which ways... How much more do they want? I for one have been waiting for the 6th movie for as long as I can remember... And I am really really upset and willing to sign a 100 petitions, if it means I can look forward to a Potter-filled November 21, 2008. Here's to hoping...
Hey, doesn't Ms. Rowling herself have a say in this... And if she does, then why doesn't she say SOMETHING?

FINALLLLLY!!!

THE MUCH-AWAITED HARRY POTTER & THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE TRAILER IS HERE!!!!
IF IT'S HALF AS GOOD AS THE BOOK, I'M GOING TO BE CRYING FOR WEEKKKSS!!!!
GO HARRRRYYY!!!!

In a nutshell

Gone Baby Gone is such a well made movie that one has to wonder what the talented Mr. Ben Affleck has been doing in front of the camera for all these years. I almost felt like someone must have ghost-directed this excellent piece for him. Although based on a book, due credit must be given to the director who has created something that's heartbreaking and gripping at the same time. Also pretty good is Casey Affleck, forever ingrained in my memory as one of the two goofy brothers in the Ocean's movies. Kudos to them both!

The Burden of DVD Hunting

Back to the subject of renting DVD’s, my choices have normally been carefully researched ones that may not enjoy the best ratings but have something in them that makes me say, ‘Hey, that’s worth a watch’! Up until my last rental, I used to swear by the Rotten Tomatoes website to help me make important decisions about which movie to rent, but this last rental has not only got me biased against everyone in it, but also this website which seemed to recommend this abhorrent movie pretty highly. I went out of way to gloat about how good its ratings were and now all I can do is look sheepishly at those fingers poking fun at my DVD-hunting skills (which I sort of pride myself on).

Call me insane, but when I rent a movie, I expect a thriller, a drama, a romantic comedy, a documentary, a period movie, etc. etc. etc. Not that I define a movie by these norms necessarily but I know how to categorize a film broadly. 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' however made me feel like I had called the wrong movie library. Actually, I felt like I had called some kind of helpline for ‘Save the Penis’. The characters and who they are in real life is of no consequence. Nor is the story, the cinematography, the direction, blah blah blah. The movie is crap, refined.

The unnecessary show of male body parts throughout had me wanting to throw up. What is the world coming to? Is this supposed to be funny? I tried to amuse myself with the thought that the writer of this movie is it’s lead actor and he’s the one flapping his body parts even before the drop of a hat, but no, it’s still just disgusting. Apparently, its funny or something that the ‘hot chics’ get to keep their pants and tops on and it’s the men doing the dance in their birthday suits, but I have a reality check for all those idiots out there who seemed to think the idea was cool. Women’s body parts are actually aesthetically pleasing. Men’s? NOT. And I don’t care if I sound like chauvinist. If you didn’t want to show off the women, you shouldn’t have… More power to you. But did we have to go through this? And how has this movie been successful? The lead actor is an eye sore. The blonde playing Sarah Marshall is an eye sore. Her boyfriend is an eye sore with an accent. And the cute brunette from ‘The 70’s Show’… What was she thinking? This movie was not funny, even if I were to shut my eyes or fast forward the gross bits.

All in all, I have lost my faith in Rotten Tomatoes. And the DVD search process just got harder. NO PUN INTENDED.

On a more pleasant note, my memories of the 90’s music era were recently revived and so were my chic flick loving hormones. 'Definitely, Maybe' is a sweet movie about a soon-to-be-divorced guy played by Ryan Reynolds (now him I’d like to see again) who has been given the difficult task of explaining to his daughter, played by the adorable Abigail Breslin how he met her mother and his soon to be ex-wife. We go through three of his major relationships as he tries to explain to his adorable little one the complexities of life and love. The three ladies are a mix of lovely and average but I'm going to sideline them here. How this movie will end is obvious from the start and not the point. I liked the way the story progressed through the 90’s, sprinkled with the music that I once thought was oh so cool or oh so cute. Everyday People, by Arrested Development, Connected, by Stereo MC's, Save The Best For Last (OK so shoot me, I used to like it) by Vanessa Williams and of course, Come As You Are, by Nirvana (a heart-warming ode to a gifted and revolutionary musician, Kurt Cobain). This is not a fabulous piece of cinema but it's witty, it's charming, and it touched a chord. Call me conservative, but this is what I expect a romantic comedy to be. No flashing involved. Instead, we see the lives of 4 people unfold in context to one another’s, each different, each searching, each trying to feel that thing called love, often side-stepping it for their careers, their beliefs and what have you. Oh and Bill Clinton is thrown is for some good effect... What would the 90's be without him, right? Rent, enjoy, sweet dreams...

Deviating

I only go to the theatres when I am about a 90% certain that I shall enjoy the film I am going to see. It’s too expensive. So what do I do? Rent DVD’s of course! Consider it snooty but I don’t seem to care for any other theatre since INOX came along, and it almost seems like propaganda, but they keep raising their prices, as if in knowledge of this fact. 300 bucks just to sit in a chair for what’s basically one-eighth of a day… And that’s the lowest possible price per ticket! Inflation, you say? Ah, inflation-shinflation! Anyways, so it’s either INOX or ATHOME.

I tried another theatre recently (only because I really wanted to see the film and it wasn’t being screened at INOX - shocking!). If it hadn’t been for the movie itself, I would’ve walked man! Everything, from the parking access to the ticket counter was a pain. Hence, I have reiterated to myself in my head over and over since then that selective movies will get the benefit of my presence at INOX and the others just have to be on DVD... Which isn’t so bad actually…

Just to digress, the movie was ‘The Dark Knight’ and, while almost fabulous, I sincerely believe that the death of its brightest shining star has more to do with it’s gigantic success than the content of the film itself, which falls drastically short, when compared to its predecessor ‘Batman Begins’ (even though one had to put up with Katie Holmes in the latter).

Simply put, it’s too long. If it weren’t for Heath Ledger and the fact that I was sitting in the first row, (which was deceivingly far from the screen on the computer monitor when I was buying the tickets by the way) I could have fallen asleep. I didn’t though because Ledger shines as The Joker, and you can’t take your eyes off him when he’s in the frame. He has the exaggerated belligerence of the anti-hero, but more than that, he seems to be completely in sync with the pain and darkness that has possessed this absolute villain. His energy seems to come from a real place, and the effect is mind-blowing. Hats off!

The rest of the cast is pretty good too, though I’d pick Christian Bale any day in ‘The Prestige’ and ‘Batman Begins’. Maggie Gylenhall is too drastically different from Katie Holmes (who played the same character in the previous movie) in body language and also sort of ‘flip-floppy’, so again, the choice of the damsel in distress leaves much to be desired. As for Aaron Eckhart, I doubt he’ll find anything as path-breaking as the irreverent and sexy pro-tobacco campaign leader type from ‘Thank You For Smoking’ for a while. That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing! Gary Oldman and Morgan Freeman demand too much respect on screen to do any wrong, even is supporting roles. So that’s that.

I’m afraid I’ve digressed a bit too much. Oh well, there’s always time for another entry.

Weird, funny, heatbreaking...

'Atonement' is not a movie heaped with the sort of drama that is a trademark of war movies usually. What it is, is a simple story of a boy and two girls, and how their lives are plunged into spectacular tragedy as a result of some very typical adolescent feelings of jealousy. It is understated but really quite brilliant in many aspects. Right from the beginning, the background score inspired by the clickings of a typewriter grab your attention and you are transported to a rich English house and the gorgeous outdoors that surround it. The mood is rebellious, the heat persistent, and the hormones raging. Everything seems as if it's under control, but only on the surface. Beneath, there are waves as if at high tide - passionate, tumultous, unrelenting. In the midst of it all, one of the girls becomes responsible for a life changing act that rips apart three destinies.

As the movie fast forwards five years, all the three protagonists are still around (though only just) but the mood has changed. The passion is alive, but it is fuelled not just by hormones but by feelings of guilt, love and helplessness. Each tries to come to terms with the past, all the while wishing for an opportunity to overcome it and to be free, at last.

The final chapter of the story depicts an aged woman who is dying, but perhaps never really lived after that one summer afternoon changed the course of her life and the others'. They are now dead and she is responsible. There is only remorse and the attempt to create a memory that allows all the three of them to be happy at last, if not in reality, then at least in a land of fantasy.

This is not a film to be missed, especially if you haven't read the book. The clear cut camera angles, the succint dialogue and the age old English pride that line it allow the story to take over. It only gets as deep as you want it to, if you want it to, but in the end, it's not just another doomed love story. It is a tragedy of epic proportions that only gets magnified because the grounds for its existence are so trivial. This is a brilliant effort that is accompanied by performances par excellence. James McAvoy is my Hollywood star of the year and quite franky seems he is capable of many a great film, after this one and 'The Last King of Scotland'. I may just check out 'Wanted' in which he appears with a bevy of stars and will probably be at par if not outshine them all. Looks like he's been around for a while, but I think it is now that he has finally arrived.

Speaking of which, closer to home, there has been much hue and cry about yet another bunch of romance movies quite simply made as a launch pad for the boys who star in them. This has been made quite obvious by the 'Love Story 2050' fiasco, because the movie bombed but the boy is in the house. He is, as someone very wise told me, a Hrithik at one tenth the price of the original. And he even has his sideburns! Am I the only one this disturbs?

The other movie, with the other boy, who I am just about ready to kidnap becuase he is so cute was one of the best cliche movies ever. It is a strange recipe that embraces the cliche and makes a spoofy kind of silly movie where the cliche is so over the top, it has to make you laugh. Now that's taking something boring and basic and going all out of the box for it. 'Jaane Tu' is cute but not soppy, funny but not LOL hilarious, and sweet but not saccharine-coated. The 'Ranjhore ke Rathod' bit is awesome... Now there's a bunch of boys who know how to come of age in style!

All in all, the film seems like an earnest effort to understand that thing called love, and the heartbreaks that one must endure and sometimes cause to meet that one elusive person who defines it all and defies it all depending on the time of day.

This one's a worthwhile watch too... Won't take too much out of you and will make you walk away heaving a little sigh with the knoweldge that pleasant dreams shall follow.

Black & White

Two weeks ago I rented a movie called Good Night, and Good Luck. I am ashamed to say this but the only reason I rented it is because of George Clooney. He has co-written and directed it, and is in it. I have great respect for the work he has done as a socially responsible citizen of the world and I find him to be great eye candy, so I thought, OK, combine the two and what do you get? A great Sunday afternoon!

I like to know the cast of the film I choose to watch, mentally referencing other films they have done in the past. It was odd because I was more familiar with the supporting cast than I was with the protagonist of the film, David Strathairn. He plays Edward Murrow, reputed CBS journalist. His friend, producer and partner is crime, is Fred Friendly, played by Clooney. And together they take on Joseph McCarthy.

The films backdrop is the overcrowded and ultra-smoky CBS newsroom. It is not a fabulous film, but a good one. It is a treat for a thinking person and cinematically fairly superior with its camera work, performances and editing.

The fact that it is in black and white was disturbing to me at first, colour being an important part of the ‘setting’ of a film for me (having grown up in the 80’s where ‘flashy’ was an understated adjective). Now that I think back, however, it not only represents the time during which it was made, but it also brings out the unambiguous philosophy of the protagonist. He is not advocating his opinions loudly or screaming murder from the rooftops because of the injustice the McCarthy era instituted. But he has a deep-rooted knowledge and therefore love of himself, his ideals and his country. He was rather reminiscent of someone from an Ayn Rand novel actually…

Speaking of which, I recently read that Atlas Shrugged was going to be made into a film!?!? Words fail me when I think of the impact Ayn Rand’s work had on me as a lost and confused teenager and all I can say to whoever is listening is ‘Stop! Please don’t hurt us’. You cannot make a movie about this. You cannot touch it. Please don’t spoil it.

Back to the original subject, the movie was about the power of TV and how one man used his reach to influence an entire country. Have you watched TV recently? It shames me to see the channels that proclaim themselves as newscasters. Repulsive is not a good enough word to describe the state of Indian TV today. If it’s not a cat with a religious symbol on it, it’s a teenager with raging hormones that gets a heart attack on one of TV’s million circus shows, a daughter-in-law with mascara that can make her eyes bleed or a pompous loser of a vocalist with a nasal defect who thinks he owes it to people to talk down, croon loud and make movies about caps.

I think Shah Rukh Khan, Juhi Chawla and Aziz Mirza were on to something when they made Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani. It flopped… badly. But I remember thinking even then that these guys are saying somethng important to us. They were trying to make a statement about the sensitive nature of the media, and how hype and vulgarity can make a whore out of news channels. And today it has. And it’s not just the news channels now, its all of them.

To sum it all up, here are a few words from the movie: ‘This institution can teach. It can illuminate, and yes, it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it toward those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires and lights in a box. Good night, and good luck’.

Cameron Crowe - Where art thou?

Hello all and welcome to Amzi's private domain where you can read all you want about all I have to say about the world of film as I see it. Or not. I can bitch, whine, promote, reject and hype whatever I want at the press of a button. Um well, it takes a little more than that, but so what? It's another thing that no one besides me cares, but my doctor says a healthy outlet is required for me at this stage, seeing as I have so much to say and no one to listen :(

Now, back to the subject 'Cameron Crowe - Where art thou?' starring, well, Cameron Crowe in a powerful yet subtle performance that the world sat up and took notice of.... Whawastha? Who is Cameron Crowe you ask? Hell, if you don't know, you don't deserve to!

On second thoughts, if you don't know, it's my duty to tell you. More like my wish, actually, cos I'm kinda bored and this seems like a good time to talk about it :P

So, all I have for you are 5 words...

You had me at hello.

Ring any bells? That's right! Cameron Crowe is the writer and director of this new age classic that made Ray & Dorothy Boyd, Rod Tidwell and, of course, Jerry Maguire, household names. This movie should have started a movement. I don't know what for or what against, but there is something about it that embraces life is such an honest, open manner, that you (or atleast I) get the feeling that he's on to something, this Cameron guy... Like he's figured something out about life, simplified what seems as complicated as calculus.

I remember watching this movie the first time, and thinking, what is this about? What does Tom Cruise do exactly? And what is he writing? And why is he so freaked out when all his peers are done reading it? And why in the hell is he taking so much BS fom Cuba Gooding Jr.? I didn't get the concept of Sports Management, seeing as I was such a Sports Spaz, and still am. And it took me forever to understand what shop lifting the pootie from a single mom was! But I slowly lost sight of the details and immersed myself into the life of the struggling Maguire, who had basically screwed his life up over an epiphany. Or so he thought...

We get so immersed in doing what we do, being who we are and evaluating how much we can make for it, that sometimes, an epiphany is what it takes to make you see. Really see. I know we all claim to know this, but Jerry Maguire, was the first movie of it's kind to come out and say it in a manner that was hilarious, bittersweet, dramatic and subtle all at once. After all, it sort of qualifies as a romcom in a lot of ways. You don't expect so much from a romcom, do you? I didn't. And I was pleasantly surprised.

UGH!!! Movie of the Week

You know how you go for days without watching a movie… And you think that the next time you make it to one, it better be a damn good one, because it would really suck to go back to something you love to do after an extended period, only to be faced by disappointment?

Well I felt that way yesterday, so I decided not to experiment, and while the choice of film was not completely mine, I supported it thinking of all the reviews I’d read that stated it was ‘oh so good!’ and the fact that part 1 was watchable so part 2 must be as well (yes, it’s a sequel I’m talking about)…

24 hours after making the (wrong) decision, I have decided to ban critics from my life. And sequels of Hindi movies, probably, seeing as the first version itself was not original.

I had the grave displeasure of watching Sarkar Raj last night.

I have to say that this director is the most overrated thing since frikkin’ Coca Cola. It amazes me how a film devoid of a script and of sense can be filled with close up shots of ugly people who like to break out into crappy Hindi film songs, an entire minute of no noise followed by a huge build up of explosive sound and the sombre faces of protagonists who are made to stare into the screen and mumble a punch line to earn the title of riveting and become this ‘remarkable return of the Ramu’ movie for a director who is so busy being full of himself, that all his films, from the Lolita-inspired Nishabd to the Godfather-inspired Sarkar have no two feet to stand on.

What really pisses me off is how his name is used to define a whole genre of film-making. Dude, I can hold a camera up and distort someone’s face so it becomes a weird reflection of itself. But the audacity of the director to make a lousy movie and hold it up to the world as a work of art is revolting. He should be thankful that the Bachchan’s get so much attention, because half of this movie is indeed, just another promotional gimmick to keep them in the limelight. If it weren’t for the fact that all the Bachchan’s were in it, this movie wouldn’t have even warranted a theatre release.

A guy who decides to wake up one morning and feel inspired by the Godfather (not the book… the movie obviously) better be careful about what he’s doing. This director practically lifted the entire film and filled it with those famous close-ups (also of ugly people) for Sarkar. I don’t get it… Is that supposed to make the film ‘intense’ or ‘hard-hitting’ or something? All I can see are pock-marked faces and revoltingly bad pan-stained teeth! Yuck! Anyways, all that apart, I guess the film was not all bad, thanks to Kay Kay Menon (expert), Mr. AB (not OTT for a change) and little AB (one of his better performances).

However, not even performances can rescue this film. The dialogues are lame, the camera angles are lame, the plot is lame, Aishwarya (as usual) is lame, so if you wanna go watch this movie, please be in love with the Bachchans or just really in need of a slightly better film that the director’s earlier dud Aag. Absolutely not recommended.

Divine Comedy

I have not seen a single movie in the past week and am beginning to feel the withdrawals coming on. The plan was to watch 'Get Smart', because Steve Carrell just sounds like the perfect antidote to the week gone by, seeing just how amazingly well and with utter excellence he sells stupidity… I don’t even think Mr. Bean is just as good.

Maybe that other guy in the Ballad of Ricky Bobby movie comes close… What’s his name???... So many of the movies he’s been in seem to have the name of his character as a part of the movie title that I can never remember his real name… Ron Burgundy… Bewitched guy… Oh man, forget it… I know who else was in Talladega Nights - John C. Reilly (so good in Chicago and many others as the ever-loving nice guy that no one wants to bother with) and Sasha Baron Cohen (love his French accent and his complete irreverence… so Hollywood-esque Fraaiinncchhh!!!). Cohen (popularly known as Ali G from the world famous TV show Ali G) is totally on my ‘I want to meet list’ only ’cos of this movie. In case you’re wondering, he’s also Borat (from the world famous movie Borat). I didn’t really wanna meet him after Borat though… GROSS! Funny in the beginning, but increased show of male body parts too hard to stomach… Especially those of his partner-in-crime. OK, going to stop talking about this now because the nausea is rising.

Anyways, I think Steve Carrell is better than ‘him’. I still can’t remember 'his' name and I seem to have listed a bunch of other comedians in the bargain. I actually sort of liked Carrell in ‘Dan in Real Life’ and the movie too as a result - simple, sweet and charming. It was also cheesy and quite typical in parts, but the presence of the ‘Master of Stupidity’ just sort of makes you say, “Oh hell, the cheesiness and all is a given, let’s enjoy it for what it’s worth”. And I did! Even Juliette Binoche didn’t steal the show from him in this one!

I don’t know too many people in Bollywood who match up to my expected humour levels because inadvertently there is slapping, loud noises coming from people’s mouths (often mistaken for dialogue) and/or weird outfits involved. I can see ‘Jab We Met’ a hundred times because it’s so damn funny, but in the end, it’s a love story. The loovvvvee and the cutenessss and the references to Punjabi mundas and kudis ruling all may not override the humour, but the latter is not the focus of the film. It’s a great movie, of course, and the dialogue writer is heaven-sent because rarely do you come across a Hindi movie where you feel like the cast and characters are employing the use of words that regular people use. ‘Main tujhe jeene nahin doongi’ is definitely not my choice of words for a lousy boyfriend who has just dumped me. I might just say ‘teri maa ki’ though… :P

There is one iconic person in my head who took comedy in Hindi films to a new high. Hrishikesh Mukherjee made some amazing comedies in his time and while I may not have seen all of them, I can vouch for the man being a class apart. I was recently watching ‘Chupke Chupke’ on TV (for the 1017th time) and never have I loved watching Dharmendra so much! I thoroughly enjoyed his attempts to stump his brother-in-law and his lamenting the irregularities of the English language (which even the French would be happy to endorse)…

And Jaya Bachchan with her quirky expressions and her love of Botany… And Amitabh Bachchan’s absolute confusion as he tries to choose between his best-friend-and-almost-brother and his newly found affections for the Botany-lover Jaya… Who in turn, not knowing that he’s a pretend-Botany professor and his true calling lies in the world of Shakespeare and Julius Caesar thinks he’s a married man hitting on her… And the hilarious ‘all that glitters is not gold’ tirade that is an explanation for all Botany related questions fired by Jaya to AB such as ‘Why is the corolla a modified stem and not a modified root?’… Or was it vice versa?… I don’t know anything about Botany so I can’t guarantee the accuracy of the dialogue, but you get the drift, right?

FYI, the guy did not make blockbusters, or family sagas where women washed away their home made mascara with the glycerine they pretended were tears. He made films that had a certain 'quality'. I'm afraid to use the phrase 'je ne sais pas quoi' for fear of the fact that his films may sound more 'hmmmn' than 'aaaahh'.

Watch 'Chupke Chupke' if you have not already. It’s funny and no one slaps anyone in an attempt to induce cheap humour. The beauty of Hrishikesh Mukherjee’s movies is that they are rooted in that funny thing called ‘life’ and take off from a real place. They’re usually situational, with misunderstandings and human error forming a basis of the storyline’s progression. They may not hit you like a gust of wind and knock you out, but I can guarantee a pleasant breeze on a cool spring day, enjoying the feel of grass under your feet, a warm (not hot) sun semi-blocked by clouds, a mind that is in a state of relaxed comfort and heart that is free to enjoy it all.

I got it! Will Ferrell! I got it! But now I’m in Hrishikesh Mukherjee mode… so OTT is out, and real life humour is back in the house!

Romance Unlimited

What makes a great chic flick? That may be answered with a counter-question… What is it that we chics want?

There is a point to all of this, I promise…

Here is a list of things (in random order please note) that would constitute necessities in any chic’s life:

1. Shoes and bags (only gargantuan quantities applicable)
2. Romance and love (this website uses conservative terminology only)
3. Clothes and more clothes (and even more clothes)
4. Bitching and gossip (get me a forklift, will ya?)
5. Weight loss information and validation (it's kinda like research... first, 'what is it???' and then, 'is it working??? seriously??? are you sure???')
6. All of the above (to the power of infinity)
7. Did I forget jewellery? (sacrilegious!)

Let me clarify right away that it is with extreme pride that I state these as absolute necessities. I may be sounding trite but that does not bother me as much as it would bother me to know that I can’t have one or more of the above.

That is why it is with great awe and undying devotion that I have pledged my life to Sex and the City. 6 seasons of the BIG, the BAD and the OH SO HOT! Followed by the ultimate chic movie of all time!

Now you have to understand that a great movie is not always about ground breaking cinema, wonderful performances and unparalleled direction.

Sometimes, it’s just about lust.

Let’s take the Sex and the City movie, par example. Carrie and BIG (I love him, he’s so tall) indulge in shoulder to head combat (again) until love finally triumphs (again) as the movie simultaneously pays tribute to great friends, Cosmopolitans, that hideous it-can-only-be-a-Louis Vuitton bag, Chanel, Vera Wang, Vivienne Westwood and of course, Manolo Blahnik… There were more names, I think, but I’m just not THAT much of a fashion gal. :P

What’s pathetic is that tug I felt as my stomach lurched when Carrie walked into what was to be the BIG (sorry, I can’t stop) home of her dreams and straight inside the shoe closet that would make any New York rent-paying tenant see red, and saw the two most important aspects of her life in front of her… the BIG and the MANOLO… Ohhhh, the agony, the ecstasy, the brain swarming with a million thoughts ready to explode… How much of a sucker am I?

Ooops, this was supposed to be a review… I’ll get right to it!

HBO’s uber-successful 6-season long show finally came to the BIG (damn it) screen earlier this month, in what was probably an effort to milk whatever emotion was left, from us chic’s that had already gone gaga over the clothes, the accessories and the men many times over. The island of Manhattan, where Brooklyn is another country and New Jersey probably isn’t even on the map, is the playground of Carrie and her 3 friends, the sex bomb, the crazy lady on the bus who loses her mind every time the driver brakes and missus optimistica bouncylicious… It’s not that hard to allocate the appropriate names.

There’s no point going into details. It’s the commitment phobias, the misunderstandings, the ‘it’s so hard to stay loyal these days’ drama once again, perfectly complementing that Manhattan-esque sense of ‘anywhere else is a curse word’.

What works for this movie is the oestrogen factor. Fashion, friendship and forever come together to provide the perfect orgasm. Basically, an extended episode with a happy ending. Pun absolutely intended.

In a moment of clarity, I wonder, not for the first time, how the neurotic Carrie can afford her little New York apartment AND pay for all the shoes AND conveniently forget her $525 Manolo’s in a penthouse that she may never call home. The rest of them either have lucrative jobs or are married to people who have lucrative jobs. Fairly believable. But only in the dreamy world of television and film can a curly-haired complicated shoe-obsessed gal be in a Vogue fashion story and get a wedding gown completely free of charge because the designer liked her in it! Appalling, a scandal, this is too much!

The cloud returns and I tell myself to look at the BIG (OK that’s it, I’m just going to whack myself now) picture… A movie like that for women is like a rugby match for men… You get all beat up and injured, and your clothes are all torn and stained, and your helmet won’t come off and… Wait a second, guys actually like that shit? Excuse me, but I’ll take the Manolo Mania any day!

This blog's story

Hello! This is the story of a blog named AmzinCritic, so named because of the 3 core attributes of identity, expectation and purpose that are packed into it as tight as jam in a jar. I like jam, don't you? Especially in those little jars that make that 'smmacckkk' sound when opened... Does anyone else see strawberries dangling in front of their eyes? No? Ok it must be a case of 'Dazed by Jam' again... Happens a lot...

OK, back to the subject, which is as inane as the topic of jam anyways... By identity, I mean mine... I am destined to be the one with many a nickname, Amz being an oft-used, least eyeball roll-inducing option, also becoming Amzi (read AM-ZEE) when the weather permits.

Amzin (when said right) is the lazy abbreviation for amazing, playing the role of expectation on this blog, a pointless yet un-eliminatable feature for all human life forms. Expectation that this blog will be amazing is as far out a thought as the rains not affecting basic living conditions in the city of Mumbai... Worth a shot though! I mean, everyone in the government talks about doing something about the rains and not getting caught in another 'jam' ;) on an annual basis, and that's just a bunch of BS, so I think it's fair to go all the way and say, YES, this is going to be an amazing blog... Woohoo... Yeahhh!

Last but not the least, purpose, easily encapsulated into the word 'critic'. Many a time have I been asked a question about what I did the previous weekend, and I almost always start off by saying 'nothing much', then tone down that loser phrase a bit by saying 'but I did watch a movie' and finally top up the conversation with a spoiler review, referencing another film it reminded me of, an old song that the title is inspired by, a nasty family break up that is the basis of the director's dark cinematic style and so on and so forth... This is not on request on most days. So I find myself becoming a giant pile on, in addition to the loser person that I tell myself I AM NOT... And I don't want to be both now, do I?

Hence, inspired by two of my greatest loves (the talkies and my husband) I have now decided to attempt a blog, and use it as a platform to critique the films that I watch. Free of charge!!! Or should I say 'Muft! Muft! Muft!'? Anyways, do you get the 'critic' part now? I have the tendency to trail off and not say things to the point... Oh, and my husband has a blog and I love it and him (more than the blog :P), so I'm going to do a show of solidarity and try continuing what could become a family tradition. But he doesn't do the critic thing on his so please read both side by side, and never one over the other... NAHIN!

My next post shall be about something more relevant to the movies, and not myself. I promise. And on that note, have a fun weekend! I'm, uh, just gonna chill at home... But I am gonna watch a movie...