The Studio

With all my emotions running helter skelter thanks to the news of the Half Blood Prince being postponed, I started to wonder about the entity that is the movie studio. I'm sure Hollywood has it's own history when it comes to the sometimes bone-crunching, sometimes larger than life existence of the studio. It's powerful, it's aggressive, it can make or break, blah blah blah...
What is so fascinating is how full of squat their products can be sometimes. Last night, I watched Hancock. Dissuaded by the many negative reviews, I chose not to go to the theatre, even though Will Smith is like the Amitabh Bachchan of the 70's in my head. That Mr. Bachchan was awe-inspiring and made history, but more than anything else, he could carry off anything! Will Smith is like that. He is just too damn good. However, someone over-estimated this amazingness is what my conclusion was when I watched a DVD of this lamentable film.
I can't say the special effects were bad, I can't say the editing was bad, I can't say the performances were bad. No... this was a bigger problem. It's like here was a product that had been created for no apparent reason.
Imaginary conversation between big bosses at big studio wanting to make big summer movie with big star:
'Hey, Will Smith is like the biggest star. Let's like make like a really like biggg summer movie so that our big studio can get even bigger and make a lot of money.'
'Ok, but what will it be about?'
'Does it matter? Will's like in it.'
'Yes, but what will he do?'
'Uh, oh yeah, uh, he can like be like a Superhero'
'But there's already the Hulk and Iron Man and Superman and Batman and Spiderman and most of them will be hitting screens in the Summer.'
'Yeah, but Will can be like a different kind of Superhero. He can be like strong and like save people and shit, but he'll be like different.'
'OK, but how will he be different? The Iraq thing has already been adopted by the Iron Man guys so what's new that we can use now?'
'Well, we don't need an issue. We'll just make him normal, but maybe he can be like an ass****, like a guy that no one likes, like someone like a bum'
'A bum who saves lives?'
'Yeah! That's like brilliant!'
'And he can dress like a bum and oh yeah like we'll make him an alcoholic too!'
'Well, what's his ride?'
'Ride?'
'Yeah, his vehicle, like the Batmobile, y'know?'
'He doesn't need that... He can just zoom off. Don't be so conventional.'
'I see. OK, well who's the chic?'
'We'll get a chic. It's Will, any chic will be good with being his chic.'
'OK, and his Achilles' heel?'
'Huh?'
'His one weakness. Superman's was kryptonite remember?'
'Oh well, we'll find something. You know what, she can be his heel or whatever.'
'Who?'
'The chic! It's so obvious! Beautiful... I got tears in my eyes just thinkin' about it'
'So he'll just be like in love with her and the villians will use her as a pawn?'
'You're just like being conventional again. Think out of the box! We'll make her like a Wonderwoman type. So they're both like, a couple, but they can't be together, 'cos then they can't fight 'cos being together makes them weak.'
'Well, it sort of very 'The Way We Were' you know with Redford and Streisand and how they can't be together'
'So? That was ages ago!'
'Yeah but that Jennifer Aniston movie with Vince Vaughn... The Break Up... Was so like that anyways. And that one's pretty recent'
'So what? This will be an action flic, not a drama.'
'OK, well I guess you've thought of everything'
'Yeah, I have. Now get me a director and make sure he doesn't think conventionally.You guys are so obtuse, the studio would go under if it was upto you idiots. And call Will. Tell him to get ready for his next blockbuster. This is gonna be goood!!!'
And the movie comes out and one realizes that the missing plot is accompanied by excellent special effects, savvy performances and publicity to match coming of the World War 3. And it BOMBBBSSSS!!!
Obviously.
The cocky studio is overcome by millions of people, some of them even the types that lack basic common sense but knowing their bad summer movie like you do when a fly enters a room (SWAT!!!). Because you can't just hold 3 film reels together and make a movie. Maybe they should put a reminder on their Blackberry's that pops up everytime. A reminder that says 'substance'.
Closer to home, we see Yash Raj doing similar things. The backdrop is always gorgeous, but I'd rather get hit on the head with a baseball bat then see YET ANOTHER lame ass movie made by them. It was OK to transport the hero and heroine to some random freezing location in clothing befitting an Indian summer if the movie was as good as a 'Silsila' or a 'Chandni'. But come on people! Wake up! We've got brains here, and they're dying to be put to the test, with something real and identifiable, something that moves and haunts, something that fills and batters, something called great cinema.

Where's Dumbledore's Army when you need them?

I love Harry Potter. I am one of THOSE psycho-lunes and proudly so. Hence, it may be possible to imagine what I am feeling right now, having heard that the fantasy penned by JK Rowling is about to be overrun by the reality of Warner Brothers, at least temporarily.
It has come to my attention that the 6th Harry Potter movie that I was so looking forward to won't be coming out in November! I can't believe the reason and I can't believe that Warner would do something so obviously damaging to their reputation. Whatever happened to goodwill?!?! How can you postpone the release of a film that is so eagerly anticipated?
I agree that it would make sense to come out with a movie at the best possible time to make the most possible profit, but this is Harry Potter we're talking about. It's got to make money any which ways... How much more do they want? I for one have been waiting for the 6th movie for as long as I can remember... And I am really really upset and willing to sign a 100 petitions, if it means I can look forward to a Potter-filled November 21, 2008. Here's to hoping...
Hey, doesn't Ms. Rowling herself have a say in this... And if she does, then why doesn't she say SOMETHING?