So I am what some might call a movie snob, my husband included… I am over critical and do not give enough credit where credit is due apparently… I disagree, of course, but hey, it’s a free country…

Anyway, I watched Robot last week. The week before that I watched a DVD of Iron Man 2(already having seen it the first time on the big screen, naturally). Currently, I am watching Matrix Reloaded for the ‘N’th time. The second and third were out of choice. The first was in order to give my husband company, knowing fully well that I’d want him to come along next month for the seventh instalment of the Harry Potter movies.

Also, I was kinda curious… After all, how many movies lead to a million jokes in honour of the protagonist within a few hours of it releasing? Do I sound like I’m making excuses for having been spotted inside the auditorium screening the movie? Of course I’m not!

So I watched the film. It’s about a dedicated scientist who has spent a round figure of 10 years trying to develop a robot that can walk, talk and eventually emote like a human being. His age is undetermined and honestly, I have no idea what he is called either. He lives in a fancy house and his mom seems to think that the name Chitti is cool for the robot. Umnn, it is not.

All the names are South India-inspired and sound warped in the context of a Hindi movie. Same goes for all the dialogue and the songs. While the dialogue is mindless at times, the songs are more like sounds. Audible, unintelligible sounds in beautiful locations with exotic animals in the background. In fact I think some of the headgear sported by the ladies also involved animals in some way. Hmmn…

Anyway, the scientist also has a girlfriend who seems concerned about some ‘final exam’. I think she wants to be an Obstetrician. It’s a shame that after all these years of movie-making, the hero has reached a stage where he is a scientist who can create a robot that can create clones that are eventually destroyed by the scientist. The heroine however, is still a college going belle, who must be interested in social causes, show off her midriff and gyrate violently to lure all and sundry. She must express shyness when asked to ‘return kisses’ by her smart ass boyfriend but be a total tease when doling them out to robots who’ve newly entered her retarded world. Naturally, she has to be pursued by a bunch of ugly morons who try to take advantage of her. And even if they’re not interested, she will walk up to one of these ugly morons in high heels and Prada eyewear and put her meaty arms around one of them, asking for trouble. What’s more upsetting? That this character is played by one of the most accomplished women in India and one of our most respected international faces, Aishwarya Rai.

It might be argued that the way women are treated in the movies is inspired by the stories that form a part of life’s ugly realities. But I beg to differ. Unless we unleash a plethora of characters that challenge the way things are in Indian society, how will they change? And that goes for women in the movies as well as TV serials. It’s like a vicious cycle of regressive living being provided affirmation by the starry alternate world of the talkies and television. If the reel world encourages it, how will the real world ever get of it.

Going back to the movie… I did like a few parts. Doesn’t say much about a 3 hour long show but I guess the portion before the end was interesting, where the multiple clones the robot creates of himself mould into one another to form several geometric shapes and then this giant male eventually. C-O-O-L.

I also liked Danny in the film. He oozes sexuality, not to mention elegance and basically all-round awesomeness! It was sort of strange to see him disappear in such an inglorious manner toward the end of the film. But it just reaffirmed my notion that the movie was centred around the main protagonist. Everything and everyone else was either collateral or an accessory. Yes, that includes you too Ash.

So what we get to see is a convoluted mess of American superhero movies like the Iron Man and Matrix series (hence the mention at the beginning) coming together to create a Rajnikant masterpiece for his crazed fans. Hundreds and hundreds of their star God packed into a single film… In a country where heroes and heroines are prioritized in general over content and art, this truly is a one of a kind film. To me, it lacks engaging dialogue and intelligent story telling. So sue me! But before that, take a look at the scene featuring the talking mosquitoes. Can someone please explain its relevance to me? Was there no other way for the damn script writers to get the chic to give the robot a tiny little peck on the cheek?

All in all, a giant leap for Rajnikant, a small step forward for Indian cinema. Dot.

Hurray for Hollywood!!!

Summer is here. And while that means scorching heat, humidity enough to bathe in, bad moods, worse allergies and an assortment of virals where I come from, it has special significance in that place called Hollywood...

Summer is when the stars come out to play... Superheroes jostle arch enemies (and ALWAYS win)... Blockbusters create history by breaking records created by prior blockbusters... A small budget film comes along out of nowhere and creates its own little record of sorts... Basically, the studios make the moolah!

Do I sound like I’m cynical about the whole thing? Well, I guess I am in a way, because people (or creatures as I like to call them) like Megan Fox become stars for no apparent reason except for their potty mouth’s and ‘I dress like a stripper because I want to’ act, thanks to a Spielberg movie that would create records with or without them in it... But sometimes that one exception comes along which makes it all OK.

Anyone reading this (and I know you are out there) would think this was another Harry Potter tribute... But it isn’t. This is about Iron Man... And now, Iron Man 2!

Actually, I guess it is a tribute to Jon Favreau. And of course, the great great Robert Downey, Jr.

I saw Iron Man 2 a little over 12 hours ago. And it rocks! It’s got enough star power to create a mini galaxy, with the likes of the delectable Sam Rockwell and the brooding Mickey Rourke as the baddies combating the amazing amazing Downey, Jr.

I always thought Rockwell hadn’t got his due, or hadn’t done enough, after a memorable ‘Charlie’s Angels’ performance and some praiseworthy work in ‘Confessions of a Dangerous Mind’. He’s hilarious as the unoriginal, unabashed and ever-bullshitting  ‘Justin Hammer’, the wannabe alter ego of the businessman ‘Tony Stark’.  

Mickey Rourke has carved a bit of a niche for himself, what with the comeback and all that Oscar glory, and he doesn’t disappoint! ‘You lose...’ he states flatly, as numerous Iron Man clones light up around him waiting to explode... Classic Hollywood! And the accent adds the perfect touch...

Don Cheadle, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, all add to the roster and do their cute small bits. Being a non-comic book junkie, I had to ‘wiki’ The Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D, Black Widow and Nick Fury to understand their context in the movie, but I’m guessing most American audiences won’t have a problem with that. Adds to the fun, I say! Gwyneth Paltrow though is a little jaded, and I wish the kissing scene between her and Downey, Jr. was slightly more exciting...

And now comes my favorite part, the praise for Robert Downey, Jr... He really struck a chord with me years ago when I watched him court Marissa Tomei in ‘Only You’... Man, can that guy make making out look yummy on screen!!! Uhmm... OK, I’m digressing...  

Anyways... I have to say that the sequel doesn’t give him the opportunity to shine the way he did in the first movie... Even so, WOW! He’s witty, sad, adorable and infuriating... Not to mention, arrogant, brash and super cool! He just gets it right every time... Watch the movie for him and the rest will be a throw in. And did I mention he was amazing???

And as for Jon Favreau... He hasn’t surpassed the original, which was several notches above most Hollywood superhero films in general, but he manages to create something that definitely is ‘up there’ with the memorable ones. And don’t miss him being adorably self-deprecating in a scene as Stark’s chauffeur who kicks a guy’s ass, only to look up and notice that Scarlett has got about a dozen of them down in the meantime... Plus, its just hilarious when the director of a movie looks at a female star in costume and asks ‘What are you wearing???’

Tongue in cheek humour, a fab star cast, and the ever dependable and wonderful leading man make this a sweeeeet weekend fest... As the Chick’s on Flicks would say, ‘Catch it’! And while you are at it, rent a couple of Downey, Jr. movies and catch Iron Man on HBO...  

Irony

My Name is Khan may not be released in Mumbai. 

This is a city that has lived through political riots, terrorist attacks and bombs exploding on trains. And yet, a movie about a man and a woman overcoming the scars of terrorism cannot be released, because a party that was shamed by another party wants to regain their leverage by causing mayhem.

I would like to see this film, because I adore Shah Rukh Khan, a true superstar and a witty man who has slogged his way to the top. He has not taken lives to get where he is today, or been born to a powerful papa. And he deserves every bit of stardom that comes his way. He is the one who the world will never forget. The goons are as expendable and irksome as the polluted waters of Mumbai. 

Perhaps an upstanding citizen and tax payer is of no importance to those who survive on their taxable incomes. Perhaps a commercial movie cannot be released without sharing it with the 'might is right' clan seeking their blessings and bowing down to vandals. Perhaps we are constantly under attack, if not by terrorists, then by politicians who think their destinies will be fulfilled by bullying, beating and raising their voices. 

Perhaps we are not ready for democracy. 

You are not an idiot Chetan!

Dear Chetan,

Happy New Year!

How are you? Hope all is well!

On the occasion of 3 Idiots becoming the biggest hit this year, I would like to take some time out to congratulate you for your contribution to this blockbuster. So here goes...

Congratulations. 

Uh, thats it... I'm done. Oh, wait, were your expecting more? Ok, here we go again...

Hey, congrats dude... We knew you could do it!!!! 

Still not satisfied??? Are you serious Chetanooo??? After all, you weren't IN the movie yaar!

And honestly, I don't think you should want more... You got your money and I'm sure lot of people will now go out there and buy your book also. It might be an okay attempt at writing and slightly overhyped just because you are an Indian author in India (and there aren't too many who have shot to fame like you for no apparent reason), but now people will go and buy it and read it, just to figure out HOW similar the movie is after all! Yes, most people are that stupid! 

I for one realized immediately what you were trying to do, and all I can say is shame on you Chetanoo! Sour grapes??? Et tu, Brutus??? Just because you got paid a 6 figure amount (post TDS deduction) and the movie is going to make an astronomical amount of money, now you are feeling jealous Chetanoo??? 

You must admit that if the movie had been copied page by page from the book ,it would not have been that great. You and I have both read the book, and we both know that there is no Rancho in it who likes to give lectures on how to lecture and bathes in the garden because he is secretly Chotu, the Maali's son... or Funsuk Wangdu who teaches his students how to give electric shocks to people who try to pee in public places... or Chatur Ramalingam whose balatkaar speech will be on You Tube for centuries to come... Or chashmish Kareena in a wet sari asking Aamir why Gujju food has such dangerous names (hilarioussss)... Or the slightly ridiculous Mona Singh delivering a baby on a ping pong table... And that 'Aaall is Well' they keep doing is not there also na in your book... Don't lie haan now! And all these things are making the movie a blockbuster... Not the fact that these are engineering students. That is just a starting point. 

Actually I am getting a little upset now Chetanoo. You wrote an average book, got more praise than you deserved, got all these movie contracts, met superstars who you could have taken some dressing tips from and even non-readers know your name now. Then why try to be an idiot? Were you a lonely child that no one played with? Or are you trying to be like Chatur from the movie and just jump onto the bandwagon when the going is good??? Why take Raj Kumar Hirani's credit away from him? He is a nice Sindhi man who has made happy movies, and this time, even though the dominating Aamir's handiwork is obvious in some scenes, he has still managed to give us something far more endearing and valuable than anything else that we have seen this year. 

Truth be told, your book was funny and good, but not great. The movie is great, though not awesome as some people are saying (because some pre-meditated and cued Aamir has gotten mixed into natural and effortless Hirani). But you must understand that a great movie in India will do exponentially more business that a good book. That is obvious. You want more? Become a director I say! Actorrr, I don't think your kurtas and chubby cheeks will work in today's packaging obsessed movie business... So avoid.  

Tell me something Chetanoo... Do you need a hug? Or mummy to tell you that you are the best? Or did someone put you upto this? These Bollywood types are trying to discredit each other all the time. Don't get caught in their trap. 

So my advice to you Chetanoo... Don't be stupid and try to become an idiot. You represent the 5 Point Someone. Remember? The book you wrote? Want to tell the easily convinced media desperately in need of a story about your book, instead of telling them about the movie that was copied from your book that you didn't get enough importance for? Maybe someone in the media will give you a hug... They can do anything nowadays... Just don't be an idiot and tell them to shut up. They don't like it.  

Best regards,

Me.