Cameron Crowe - Where art thou?

Hello all and welcome to Amzi's private domain where you can read all you want about all I have to say about the world of film as I see it. Or not. I can bitch, whine, promote, reject and hype whatever I want at the press of a button. Um well, it takes a little more than that, but so what? It's another thing that no one besides me cares, but my doctor says a healthy outlet is required for me at this stage, seeing as I have so much to say and no one to listen :(

Now, back to the subject 'Cameron Crowe - Where art thou?' starring, well, Cameron Crowe in a powerful yet subtle performance that the world sat up and took notice of.... Whawastha? Who is Cameron Crowe you ask? Hell, if you don't know, you don't deserve to!

On second thoughts, if you don't know, it's my duty to tell you. More like my wish, actually, cos I'm kinda bored and this seems like a good time to talk about it :P

So, all I have for you are 5 words...

You had me at hello.

Ring any bells? That's right! Cameron Crowe is the writer and director of this new age classic that made Ray & Dorothy Boyd, Rod Tidwell and, of course, Jerry Maguire, household names. This movie should have started a movement. I don't know what for or what against, but there is something about it that embraces life is such an honest, open manner, that you (or atleast I) get the feeling that he's on to something, this Cameron guy... Like he's figured something out about life, simplified what seems as complicated as calculus.

I remember watching this movie the first time, and thinking, what is this about? What does Tom Cruise do exactly? And what is he writing? And why is he so freaked out when all his peers are done reading it? And why in the hell is he taking so much BS fom Cuba Gooding Jr.? I didn't get the concept of Sports Management, seeing as I was such a Sports Spaz, and still am. And it took me forever to understand what shop lifting the pootie from a single mom was! But I slowly lost sight of the details and immersed myself into the life of the struggling Maguire, who had basically screwed his life up over an epiphany. Or so he thought...

We get so immersed in doing what we do, being who we are and evaluating how much we can make for it, that sometimes, an epiphany is what it takes to make you see. Really see. I know we all claim to know this, but Jerry Maguire, was the first movie of it's kind to come out and say it in a manner that was hilarious, bittersweet, dramatic and subtle all at once. After all, it sort of qualifies as a romcom in a lot of ways. You don't expect so much from a romcom, do you? I didn't. And I was pleasantly surprised.

UGH!!! Movie of the Week

You know how you go for days without watching a movie… And you think that the next time you make it to one, it better be a damn good one, because it would really suck to go back to something you love to do after an extended period, only to be faced by disappointment?

Well I felt that way yesterday, so I decided not to experiment, and while the choice of film was not completely mine, I supported it thinking of all the reviews I’d read that stated it was ‘oh so good!’ and the fact that part 1 was watchable so part 2 must be as well (yes, it’s a sequel I’m talking about)…

24 hours after making the (wrong) decision, I have decided to ban critics from my life. And sequels of Hindi movies, probably, seeing as the first version itself was not original.

I had the grave displeasure of watching Sarkar Raj last night.

I have to say that this director is the most overrated thing since frikkin’ Coca Cola. It amazes me how a film devoid of a script and of sense can be filled with close up shots of ugly people who like to break out into crappy Hindi film songs, an entire minute of no noise followed by a huge build up of explosive sound and the sombre faces of protagonists who are made to stare into the screen and mumble a punch line to earn the title of riveting and become this ‘remarkable return of the Ramu’ movie for a director who is so busy being full of himself, that all his films, from the Lolita-inspired Nishabd to the Godfather-inspired Sarkar have no two feet to stand on.

What really pisses me off is how his name is used to define a whole genre of film-making. Dude, I can hold a camera up and distort someone’s face so it becomes a weird reflection of itself. But the audacity of the director to make a lousy movie and hold it up to the world as a work of art is revolting. He should be thankful that the Bachchan’s get so much attention, because half of this movie is indeed, just another promotional gimmick to keep them in the limelight. If it weren’t for the fact that all the Bachchan’s were in it, this movie wouldn’t have even warranted a theatre release.

A guy who decides to wake up one morning and feel inspired by the Godfather (not the book… the movie obviously) better be careful about what he’s doing. This director practically lifted the entire film and filled it with those famous close-ups (also of ugly people) for Sarkar. I don’t get it… Is that supposed to make the film ‘intense’ or ‘hard-hitting’ or something? All I can see are pock-marked faces and revoltingly bad pan-stained teeth! Yuck! Anyways, all that apart, I guess the film was not all bad, thanks to Kay Kay Menon (expert), Mr. AB (not OTT for a change) and little AB (one of his better performances).

However, not even performances can rescue this film. The dialogues are lame, the camera angles are lame, the plot is lame, Aishwarya (as usual) is lame, so if you wanna go watch this movie, please be in love with the Bachchans or just really in need of a slightly better film that the director’s earlier dud Aag. Absolutely not recommended.

Divine Comedy

I have not seen a single movie in the past week and am beginning to feel the withdrawals coming on. The plan was to watch 'Get Smart', because Steve Carrell just sounds like the perfect antidote to the week gone by, seeing just how amazingly well and with utter excellence he sells stupidity… I don’t even think Mr. Bean is just as good.

Maybe that other guy in the Ballad of Ricky Bobby movie comes close… What’s his name???... So many of the movies he’s been in seem to have the name of his character as a part of the movie title that I can never remember his real name… Ron Burgundy… Bewitched guy… Oh man, forget it… I know who else was in Talladega Nights - John C. Reilly (so good in Chicago and many others as the ever-loving nice guy that no one wants to bother with) and Sasha Baron Cohen (love his French accent and his complete irreverence… so Hollywood-esque Fraaiinncchhh!!!). Cohen (popularly known as Ali G from the world famous TV show Ali G) is totally on my ‘I want to meet list’ only ’cos of this movie. In case you’re wondering, he’s also Borat (from the world famous movie Borat). I didn’t really wanna meet him after Borat though… GROSS! Funny in the beginning, but increased show of male body parts too hard to stomach… Especially those of his partner-in-crime. OK, going to stop talking about this now because the nausea is rising.

Anyways, I think Steve Carrell is better than ‘him’. I still can’t remember 'his' name and I seem to have listed a bunch of other comedians in the bargain. I actually sort of liked Carrell in ‘Dan in Real Life’ and the movie too as a result - simple, sweet and charming. It was also cheesy and quite typical in parts, but the presence of the ‘Master of Stupidity’ just sort of makes you say, “Oh hell, the cheesiness and all is a given, let’s enjoy it for what it’s worth”. And I did! Even Juliette Binoche didn’t steal the show from him in this one!

I don’t know too many people in Bollywood who match up to my expected humour levels because inadvertently there is slapping, loud noises coming from people’s mouths (often mistaken for dialogue) and/or weird outfits involved. I can see ‘Jab We Met’ a hundred times because it’s so damn funny, but in the end, it’s a love story. The loovvvvee and the cutenessss and the references to Punjabi mundas and kudis ruling all may not override the humour, but the latter is not the focus of the film. It’s a great movie, of course, and the dialogue writer is heaven-sent because rarely do you come across a Hindi movie where you feel like the cast and characters are employing the use of words that regular people use. ‘Main tujhe jeene nahin doongi’ is definitely not my choice of words for a lousy boyfriend who has just dumped me. I might just say ‘teri maa ki’ though… :P

There is one iconic person in my head who took comedy in Hindi films to a new high. Hrishikesh Mukherjee made some amazing comedies in his time and while I may not have seen all of them, I can vouch for the man being a class apart. I was recently watching ‘Chupke Chupke’ on TV (for the 1017th time) and never have I loved watching Dharmendra so much! I thoroughly enjoyed his attempts to stump his brother-in-law and his lamenting the irregularities of the English language (which even the French would be happy to endorse)…

And Jaya Bachchan with her quirky expressions and her love of Botany… And Amitabh Bachchan’s absolute confusion as he tries to choose between his best-friend-and-almost-brother and his newly found affections for the Botany-lover Jaya… Who in turn, not knowing that he’s a pretend-Botany professor and his true calling lies in the world of Shakespeare and Julius Caesar thinks he’s a married man hitting on her… And the hilarious ‘all that glitters is not gold’ tirade that is an explanation for all Botany related questions fired by Jaya to AB such as ‘Why is the corolla a modified stem and not a modified root?’… Or was it vice versa?… I don’t know anything about Botany so I can’t guarantee the accuracy of the dialogue, but you get the drift, right?

FYI, the guy did not make blockbusters, or family sagas where women washed away their home made mascara with the glycerine they pretended were tears. He made films that had a certain 'quality'. I'm afraid to use the phrase 'je ne sais pas quoi' for fear of the fact that his films may sound more 'hmmmn' than 'aaaahh'.

Watch 'Chupke Chupke' if you have not already. It’s funny and no one slaps anyone in an attempt to induce cheap humour. The beauty of Hrishikesh Mukherjee’s movies is that they are rooted in that funny thing called ‘life’ and take off from a real place. They’re usually situational, with misunderstandings and human error forming a basis of the storyline’s progression. They may not hit you like a gust of wind and knock you out, but I can guarantee a pleasant breeze on a cool spring day, enjoying the feel of grass under your feet, a warm (not hot) sun semi-blocked by clouds, a mind that is in a state of relaxed comfort and heart that is free to enjoy it all.

I got it! Will Ferrell! I got it! But now I’m in Hrishikesh Mukherjee mode… so OTT is out, and real life humour is back in the house!

Romance Unlimited

What makes a great chic flick? That may be answered with a counter-question… What is it that we chics want?

There is a point to all of this, I promise…

Here is a list of things (in random order please note) that would constitute necessities in any chic’s life:

1. Shoes and bags (only gargantuan quantities applicable)
2. Romance and love (this website uses conservative terminology only)
3. Clothes and more clothes (and even more clothes)
4. Bitching and gossip (get me a forklift, will ya?)
5. Weight loss information and validation (it's kinda like research... first, 'what is it???' and then, 'is it working??? seriously??? are you sure???')
6. All of the above (to the power of infinity)
7. Did I forget jewellery? (sacrilegious!)

Let me clarify right away that it is with extreme pride that I state these as absolute necessities. I may be sounding trite but that does not bother me as much as it would bother me to know that I can’t have one or more of the above.

That is why it is with great awe and undying devotion that I have pledged my life to Sex and the City. 6 seasons of the BIG, the BAD and the OH SO HOT! Followed by the ultimate chic movie of all time!

Now you have to understand that a great movie is not always about ground breaking cinema, wonderful performances and unparalleled direction.

Sometimes, it’s just about lust.

Let’s take the Sex and the City movie, par example. Carrie and BIG (I love him, he’s so tall) indulge in shoulder to head combat (again) until love finally triumphs (again) as the movie simultaneously pays tribute to great friends, Cosmopolitans, that hideous it-can-only-be-a-Louis Vuitton bag, Chanel, Vera Wang, Vivienne Westwood and of course, Manolo Blahnik… There were more names, I think, but I’m just not THAT much of a fashion gal. :P

What’s pathetic is that tug I felt as my stomach lurched when Carrie walked into what was to be the BIG (sorry, I can’t stop) home of her dreams and straight inside the shoe closet that would make any New York rent-paying tenant see red, and saw the two most important aspects of her life in front of her… the BIG and the MANOLO… Ohhhh, the agony, the ecstasy, the brain swarming with a million thoughts ready to explode… How much of a sucker am I?

Ooops, this was supposed to be a review… I’ll get right to it!

HBO’s uber-successful 6-season long show finally came to the BIG (damn it) screen earlier this month, in what was probably an effort to milk whatever emotion was left, from us chic’s that had already gone gaga over the clothes, the accessories and the men many times over. The island of Manhattan, where Brooklyn is another country and New Jersey probably isn’t even on the map, is the playground of Carrie and her 3 friends, the sex bomb, the crazy lady on the bus who loses her mind every time the driver brakes and missus optimistica bouncylicious… It’s not that hard to allocate the appropriate names.

There’s no point going into details. It’s the commitment phobias, the misunderstandings, the ‘it’s so hard to stay loyal these days’ drama once again, perfectly complementing that Manhattan-esque sense of ‘anywhere else is a curse word’.

What works for this movie is the oestrogen factor. Fashion, friendship and forever come together to provide the perfect orgasm. Basically, an extended episode with a happy ending. Pun absolutely intended.

In a moment of clarity, I wonder, not for the first time, how the neurotic Carrie can afford her little New York apartment AND pay for all the shoes AND conveniently forget her $525 Manolo’s in a penthouse that she may never call home. The rest of them either have lucrative jobs or are married to people who have lucrative jobs. Fairly believable. But only in the dreamy world of television and film can a curly-haired complicated shoe-obsessed gal be in a Vogue fashion story and get a wedding gown completely free of charge because the designer liked her in it! Appalling, a scandal, this is too much!

The cloud returns and I tell myself to look at the BIG (OK that’s it, I’m just going to whack myself now) picture… A movie like that for women is like a rugby match for men… You get all beat up and injured, and your clothes are all torn and stained, and your helmet won’t come off and… Wait a second, guys actually like that shit? Excuse me, but I’ll take the Manolo Mania any day!

This blog's story

Hello! This is the story of a blog named AmzinCritic, so named because of the 3 core attributes of identity, expectation and purpose that are packed into it as tight as jam in a jar. I like jam, don't you? Especially in those little jars that make that 'smmacckkk' sound when opened... Does anyone else see strawberries dangling in front of their eyes? No? Ok it must be a case of 'Dazed by Jam' again... Happens a lot...

OK, back to the subject, which is as inane as the topic of jam anyways... By identity, I mean mine... I am destined to be the one with many a nickname, Amz being an oft-used, least eyeball roll-inducing option, also becoming Amzi (read AM-ZEE) when the weather permits.

Amzin (when said right) is the lazy abbreviation for amazing, playing the role of expectation on this blog, a pointless yet un-eliminatable feature for all human life forms. Expectation that this blog will be amazing is as far out a thought as the rains not affecting basic living conditions in the city of Mumbai... Worth a shot though! I mean, everyone in the government talks about doing something about the rains and not getting caught in another 'jam' ;) on an annual basis, and that's just a bunch of BS, so I think it's fair to go all the way and say, YES, this is going to be an amazing blog... Woohoo... Yeahhh!

Last but not the least, purpose, easily encapsulated into the word 'critic'. Many a time have I been asked a question about what I did the previous weekend, and I almost always start off by saying 'nothing much', then tone down that loser phrase a bit by saying 'but I did watch a movie' and finally top up the conversation with a spoiler review, referencing another film it reminded me of, an old song that the title is inspired by, a nasty family break up that is the basis of the director's dark cinematic style and so on and so forth... This is not on request on most days. So I find myself becoming a giant pile on, in addition to the loser person that I tell myself I AM NOT... And I don't want to be both now, do I?

Hence, inspired by two of my greatest loves (the talkies and my husband) I have now decided to attempt a blog, and use it as a platform to critique the films that I watch. Free of charge!!! Or should I say 'Muft! Muft! Muft!'? Anyways, do you get the 'critic' part now? I have the tendency to trail off and not say things to the point... Oh, and my husband has a blog and I love it and him (more than the blog :P), so I'm going to do a show of solidarity and try continuing what could become a family tradition. But he doesn't do the critic thing on his so please read both side by side, and never one over the other... NAHIN!

My next post shall be about something more relevant to the movies, and not myself. I promise. And on that note, have a fun weekend! I'm, uh, just gonna chill at home... But I am gonna watch a movie...