So I am what some might call a movie snob, my husband included… I am over critical and do not give enough credit where credit is due apparently… I disagree, of course, but hey, it’s a free country…

Anyway, I watched Robot last week. The week before that I watched a DVD of Iron Man 2(already having seen it the first time on the big screen, naturally). Currently, I am watching Matrix Reloaded for the ‘N’th time. The second and third were out of choice. The first was in order to give my husband company, knowing fully well that I’d want him to come along next month for the seventh instalment of the Harry Potter movies.

Also, I was kinda curious… After all, how many movies lead to a million jokes in honour of the protagonist within a few hours of it releasing? Do I sound like I’m making excuses for having been spotted inside the auditorium screening the movie? Of course I’m not!

So I watched the film. It’s about a dedicated scientist who has spent a round figure of 10 years trying to develop a robot that can walk, talk and eventually emote like a human being. His age is undetermined and honestly, I have no idea what he is called either. He lives in a fancy house and his mom seems to think that the name Chitti is cool for the robot. Umnn, it is not.

All the names are South India-inspired and sound warped in the context of a Hindi movie. Same goes for all the dialogue and the songs. While the dialogue is mindless at times, the songs are more like sounds. Audible, unintelligible sounds in beautiful locations with exotic animals in the background. In fact I think some of the headgear sported by the ladies also involved animals in some way. Hmmn…

Anyway, the scientist also has a girlfriend who seems concerned about some ‘final exam’. I think she wants to be an Obstetrician. It’s a shame that after all these years of movie-making, the hero has reached a stage where he is a scientist who can create a robot that can create clones that are eventually destroyed by the scientist. The heroine however, is still a college going belle, who must be interested in social causes, show off her midriff and gyrate violently to lure all and sundry. She must express shyness when asked to ‘return kisses’ by her smart ass boyfriend but be a total tease when doling them out to robots who’ve newly entered her retarded world. Naturally, she has to be pursued by a bunch of ugly morons who try to take advantage of her. And even if they’re not interested, she will walk up to one of these ugly morons in high heels and Prada eyewear and put her meaty arms around one of them, asking for trouble. What’s more upsetting? That this character is played by one of the most accomplished women in India and one of our most respected international faces, Aishwarya Rai.

It might be argued that the way women are treated in the movies is inspired by the stories that form a part of life’s ugly realities. But I beg to differ. Unless we unleash a plethora of characters that challenge the way things are in Indian society, how will they change? And that goes for women in the movies as well as TV serials. It’s like a vicious cycle of regressive living being provided affirmation by the starry alternate world of the talkies and television. If the reel world encourages it, how will the real world ever get of it.

Going back to the movie… I did like a few parts. Doesn’t say much about a 3 hour long show but I guess the portion before the end was interesting, where the multiple clones the robot creates of himself mould into one another to form several geometric shapes and then this giant male eventually. C-O-O-L.

I also liked Danny in the film. He oozes sexuality, not to mention elegance and basically all-round awesomeness! It was sort of strange to see him disappear in such an inglorious manner toward the end of the film. But it just reaffirmed my notion that the movie was centred around the main protagonist. Everything and everyone else was either collateral or an accessory. Yes, that includes you too Ash.

So what we get to see is a convoluted mess of American superhero movies like the Iron Man and Matrix series (hence the mention at the beginning) coming together to create a Rajnikant masterpiece for his crazed fans. Hundreds and hundreds of their star God packed into a single film… In a country where heroes and heroines are prioritized in general over content and art, this truly is a one of a kind film. To me, it lacks engaging dialogue and intelligent story telling. So sue me! But before that, take a look at the scene featuring the talking mosquitoes. Can someone please explain its relevance to me? Was there no other way for the damn script writers to get the chic to give the robot a tiny little peck on the cheek?

All in all, a giant leap for Rajnikant, a small step forward for Indian cinema. Dot.